i left my heart at two lights beach. we drove there on our last night, laid on the rocks in the inked darkness, staring at stars that stretched and reached their fingers of light into our humble chests. i am both more whole and more broken now. i want more, and now i know that i can get it. and i will get it. i can and will have whatever i want. i just need to know what i want. 

just so i dont forget:

fight with tori, tears and slammed doors that put us back together.

sailing on the atlantic ocean, seeing seals and the other side of the lighthouse that brought us sunrise. i decided i want a boat, i need to learn how to sail. its how i want to move my way through this world.

lobster dinner at Di Millio’s, a boat restaurant. the bill was over a hundred dollars, and i felt so old when i signed my name. we were self conscious and young, though, dropping our napkins and laughing behind our hands. 

we didnt have a fridge in our hotel, so we put our beers on the air conditioner to keep cold while tori had a nervous breakdown over a bottle opener. i got drunk after the fight, by accident, and wandered around the biggest mall in the northeast in search of maine flops.

tori and i staying up the first night, driving around maine for 12 hours, introducing ourselves to her nooks and crannies, watching the fog creep close and shrink back, we mapped how we were going to spend our days—

i will finish this later. tori and meg and i are going to reconvene, drink our maine brewed beer, and reminisce. maybe i will feel more capable to do it justice after that.